Potion Punishment
by RockSunner
Summary: Like the other AU's in the "Potionate" series, this is another way things could have gone wrong at the diner on the day of the Woodstick festival. What if Mabel got caught right away when she tried to steal a potion from the Love God? Has unrequited Pinecest. Now updated with an independent one-shot Mabill story.
1. Potion Punishment

Like the other AU's in the "Potionate" series, this is another way things could have gone wrong at the diner on the day of the Woodstick festival. What if Mabel got caught right away when she tried to steal a potion from the Love God? One-shot. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me.

**Potion Punishment**

After seeing the Love God in action making matches at the diner, Mabel told herself, "I have to know how that works."

She walked over to the Love God, who was stuffing his face with a sandwich.

"Hi. Love god? Mabel here. Big fan. Can I just say, that was some of the finest matchmaking I've ever seen? Can you please, please tell me your secret?"

"Well, between you and me, let's just say my name's not exactly a coincidence," said the Love God, waving the wings that poked out of his backpack.

"Oh. My. Love God. Are you an actual love god?" Mabel asked.

"Call me a cherub," said the Love God. "The internet pretty much does my job for me nowadays so I'm taking time to focus on my rock career. Boom. Cassette. Boom. For you."

"Oh! That's... great," said Mabel, secretly dropping the cassette into a nearby trash can. "So, anyway. Can you make anything fall in love? Like that snake and that badger?"

She pointed to two animals fighting outside,

"Hmm, ah gee, I dunno. That might be kinda hard to-Kaboom! Match made!"

The animals stopped fighting. The snake wound around the badger, who walked off happily with it into the woods.

"They're gonna make a snadger," said Mabel. "How are you doing that?"

"Love potion, yo. I got it all. Summer love. Young love. Anti love. You just gotta put a little on your fingers and pow!"

"I need that potion. How much would it cost? And will you accept squirrels as payment?"

Mabel picked up a squirrel from the floor and offered it to the Love God.

"Woah. No way. You might think you know what's best for people but this stuff can have major social consequences. That's why it can only be used by a serious expert."

"Love God! Sign my face!" called a fan behind the Love God.

"Only if you sign mine, baby. Let's get weird!"

Mabel reached out and slid one of the potion bottles out of the Love God's rope belt. On impulse, she put the squirrel into the loop as payment. She put her finger to her lips to warn the squirrel to be silent.

Unfortunately for her, the squirrel didn't understand her gesture. It chattered loudly and struggled in the belt loop.

The Love God turned around. "Woah! What's going on? You're stealing my stuff! I am so not loving this!"

Mabel dropped the potion bottle onto the table, and it shattered. Pink love potion went all over her. She instantly closed her eyes, fearful of falling in love with the next person she saw.

"You're in for it now, girl," said the Love God. "Closing your eyes won't help forever. The blind can fall in love too, you know. You're doomed to fall in love with the next person who speaks to you or touches you."

"You... you're speaking to me and I'm not falling in love with you," said Mabel.

"I have personal immunity, so I can't use my own potions to make people fall for me," said the Love God. "Professional ethics."

"Isn't there anything you can do? What about that anti-love potion you have?" asked Mabel.

"You wouldn't want that," said the Love God. "Your heart would die on the inside. You would never be able to love again, for the rest of your life."

"How long will the love spell last?" asked Mabel.

"You were lucky and took Young Love, so probably only now through the end of your teens," said the Love God.

"Seven years?" said Mabel. "Oh no!"

"You brought it on yourself," said the Love God.

"Yeah, I did, but..." said Mabel. "But maybe it'll be someone good."

"It will probably be someone totally unsuitable," said the Love God. "I warn you, don't try to get them to love you back. Don't ever tell them. Just suffer silently with unrequited love and don't mess up their lives, too."

Mabel moaned.

"I'm going now," said the Love God. "I have a fan waiting to sign my face. Have a nice life. Or not, you little thief."

Mabel kept her eyes tight shut and put her fingers in her ears, worrying about who might become the love of her life. Old Man McGucket? Lazy Susan?

She felt a gentle touch on her arm, and against her will felt her heart fill with love. She unplugged her ears and opened her eyes, since that was no longer any use.

"Mabel? Soos told me I might find you here. It's time to get ready to go to the Woodstick rock concert."

Dipper.


	2. Potion Nightmare

Like the other AU's in the "Potionate" series, this is another way things could have gone wrong at the diner on the day of the Woodstick festival. What if Mabel got potion on herself when she was putting it on the fries? One-shot. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Has Mabill.

**Potion Nightmare**

"Mind if I add a little something to these fries?" Mabel asked the cook.

"I don't see why not," said the cook.

Mabel tipped the bottle of pink potion so it flowed over the fries. It came out a bit faster than she expected, and some of it splashed back onto her hand.

"Oh-oh," she thought. "This stuff doesn't have to be eaten; it works on contact. If I got it just on a fingertip I would be safe, but... I'd better get out of here with my eyes shut or the next person I see..."

Mabel slipped out the back kitchen door with her eyes closed, fortunately without running into the cook. She went blindly into the woods, feeling her way to a tree that was deep enough in to be out of sight from everyone, she hoped.

"Maybe it will wear off in a little while, if I wait and rest here," Mabel thought.

She sat down with her back against the tree. Waiting with her eyes closed was boring. She began to doze off.

Then the world became gray around her. Everything was gray, that is, except for a yellow triangle with one eye, floating in front of her.

"Shooting Star!" said a reverberating voice. "I've been watching you, and this seemed like a good moment to talk with you. You seem to be in an accepting state of mind. Am I right?"

"Bill Cipher!" said Mabel. "In spite of myself, my heart's feeling warm towards you right now."

"That's exactly what I was hoping for," said Bill.

"I should be feeling awful about this. Part of me is totally scared, but part of me is happy."

"I have a present for you, Shooting Star," said Bill. "Here, have a living shrunken head!"

He held out a small withered head that blinked its eyes at her.

"That's sweet, but no thank you," said Mabel.

The head vanished.

"I have a proposition for you," said Bill.

"You're proposing to me?" asked Mabel, blushing. "This is all so sudden."

"Look, sweetie, we can only meet in the Dreamscape for now, until I get a body," said Bill.

"How could you get a body?" asked Mabel.

"I might be able to trick Gabe Bensen out of his. What if I offer to make him the most realistic puppet in the world? He'd fall for that."

"Don't do it," said Mabel. "He may be a puppet-kissing jerk, but he doesn't deserve that."

"Then we'll just meet in your dreams for now," said Bill. "But I'm jealous of your other dream boyfriends, Xyler and Craz."

"I'll let them go," said Mabel.

At the thought, the two Dream Boy High boys appeared.

"Sorry, Xyler and Craz, I'm seeing Bill in my dreams now. I have to break up with you."

"Bummer!" said Xyler. "Mabel, you're making a big mistake."

"I too feel like you are making a mistake," said Craz.

"Sorry, but that's how it has to be," said Mabel.

The two dream boys vanished.

"There's just one little thing I need you to do for me, sweetie," said Bill.

"What is it, Bill?" asked Mabel.

"You know I wanted to destroy your brother's Journal?" said Bill. "I need you to do that for me."

"I can't betray Dipper like that!" said Mabel.

"I won't appear to you in a dream again until you do," said Bill. "You're going to miss me too much to resist."

"I'll miss you terribly, but I just can't do it," said Mabel. "I learned from that puppet show disaster not to put my crushes ahead of Dipper."

"Well, if that's how it is, that's how it is," said Bill. "Let's make a deal instead. Shake my hand, and I'll promise to stay close for the rest of your life."

He held out a hand glowing with blue fire.

"Hold on a second," said Mabel. "I love you, but I don't trust you. You didn't keep your word with Dipper. You promised to give him a password to his laptop, but you smashed it instead."

"I promised to give him a clue, and I did," said Bill. "When the laptop was broken you were able to see the 'McGucket Labs' label. You have to admit that was a valuable clue."

"That's too tricky," said Mabel. "You always twist your words in these deals. How do I know you don't mean something sneaky about staying close for the rest of my life?"

"It's a great offer," said Bill. "If you don't take it, I'm not going to be in a relationship with you. Take it or leave it, Shooting Star."

"I really wish we could be together," said Mabel. "Maybe I should take the deal..."

"I'll have to come back later. Someone is waking you up," said Bill.

Mabel woke with a gasp and looked at the person standing beside her who had just shaken her awake.

"Wow! I... I don't think the love potion took full effect on me for Bill, since he was just in my dreams. I'm glad I didn't take his deal. I'm feeling more love for you than I did for him."

The person smiled.

"I know you're part of a package deal, but I'm willing to accept that, as long as I can be with you. What's your name, again?"

"Shmebulock!"


End file.
